Looking for Love
By Kenzi Perkins
Edited by Anna Kate Mereness
We live in a time where we are told that one night stands, fake friends and just all around toxic relationships are where we are supposed to find validation. With all these negative ideas bleeding into our concept of what love is, how are we supposed to get a clear vision of what fulfillment–or feeling loved–should really look like?
A note
Not all love needs to be romantic. As a society, we tend to think that we need a romantic partner in order to feel loved. We’re surrounded by media that tells us we do. I promise you, though, that isn’t the case. Love can come from all kinds of places– you just have to open yourself to receiving it.
Where to start
In order to accept love from others, we first have to learn how to love ourselves. It’s easy to talk down to and about yourself: comparison to others on social media or in your life, negative thoughts about yourself or even if you’re just trying to come off as modest (you do amazing things, and it’s okay to acknowledge them!). No one is perfect, so don’t hold yourself to that standard! You should celebrate yourself as much as you celebrate others. There’s only one you, and you’re pretty great–give yourself a chance.
Who’s in your circle?
Do the people around you lift you up, or are they tearing you down? Do they make you feel loved–and even further, worthy of being loved? If you feel worse about yourself after hanging out with your friends, you’ve got the wrong friends. The environment you’re in can make or break your perspective. Not only can people who treat you poorly impact the quality of your relationships, but they can also affect your self confidence. Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, and make you feel appreciated!
Family ties
We can’t choose the family we’re born into. In a perfect world, we would all adore our parents and siblings and they would make us feel perfectly loved all the time. But, that’s not very realistic. Your family doesn’t always have to be the people you share blood with: sometimes they’re people you find along the way. In a similar way you need to surround yourself with caring friends, the people you call family should make you feel seen and appreciated in ways that no one else can.
For the romantics
You don’t need to change yourself or sacrifice your desire for a lasting relationship–no matter what today’s culture seems to say. Someone who truly loves you will want to be with you exclusively, will respect your boundaries and share your core values. Anyone who makes you question your worth, or makes you feel unsure as to where you stand is not the one for you–and that’s okay. There is someone out there who will make you feel so loved someday that you won’t be able to believe you ever settled for anything less.
Love isn’t always a dramatic romance for the ages. Sometimes, it’s the person who memorized your coffee order so they could surprise you with a treat, or it’s your dad making special pancakes for your birthday and maybe it’s even the person in the mirror offering you a smile to start the day off right. It doesn’t have to be a messy and complicated relationship–in fact, real love is often as simple as it gets: it just makes sense that someone would love you.
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