Doing The Best I Can With What I Know: On Self-Forgiveness

By Katelyn Phan

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I’m walking to class, basking in the sunlight. I notice the freshly grown leaves on trees and the scent of the earth as my feet hit the pavement. As freckles develop on my face, I develop another feeling: forgiveness. Forgiveness for whom, exactly? Just as the sun forgives the stars every day, I am going to forgive myself. We are often our own harshest critics. Why is that? As I walk past my peers, I wonder if they are feeling the relief of pressure as the sun kisses their skin as well.

The past is concrete. We simply cannot change who we were. It can sometimes feel like our past defines us — who we’ve been is who we are now. But what if I told you that, despite how “unpretty” our past is, it’s a series of actions shaped by the events that impacted us most? It’s undeniably part of what led us to become who we are today. To reject one’s past is to reject a part of ourselves, which keeps us from changing.

I’m not saying you have to agree with everything you did in the past; you don’t even have to like the person you used to be. That’s not what forgiveness is. We simply have to release ourselves from the penitentiary of resentment we keep ourselves in.

When we reject our past, we fragment ourselves. This internal division drains the energy we need to make ourselves anew. By forgiving the entire story, we reclaim our wholeness. The past has shaped us, but it doesn’t define us. It informs who we are, but it doesn’t limit who we can be. To look back is to appreciate all the wisdom and strength moving forward.