Sincerely, Sara: How to be Okay With Being Alone

By Sara Kaufman

Edited by Taylor Morgan

College often feels overwhelming and can be painted with many misconceptions: endless friends, late-night adventures and the constant need to be social. But what is never talked about is the loneliness you can feel among all the hustle and bustle. It can feel like you are the only one not constantly surrounded by people, or sometimes you might just need time to be alone. 

College is one of the best places to learn how to be okay with being alone. This process can be uncomfortable at first, but with time, it can become a space for you to truly understand yourself. Alone time does not mean you are doing anything wrong; it's a normal part of adjusting. 

Mariaaaaa / @mariaamatd on Pinterest

Alone time gives me the space to recharge my social battery, so when I do socialize, burnout doesn’t come so quickly. You might feel the need to surround yourself with people 24/7, but it is important to find times when you can be alone. If the idea of eating a meal by yourself or going to study alone is overwhelming, you can take small steps to help yourself. Start by walking to classes alone or going to pick up a package by yourself. Over time, you can work your way up to more “complicated” or “stressful” activities to do alone, like eating a meal by yourself or even walking uptown alone. 

Eventually, being alone can shift from feeling uncomfortable to becoming something peaceful and grounding. I think the hardest thing for most people to wrap their heads around is that other people spend time alone, too. Social media often distorts reality, making it look like everyone is constantly surrounded by friends. In reality, these posts are usually fabricated in some way and do not show the whole picture.

There are some important skills that you can utilize if you feel uncomfortable being alone. The first step is self-awareness, being aware of the emotions you are feeling in that moment, and recognizing what might be causing them can help. Then being able to self-soothe or staying present in the moment can help if you start to feel anxious or think that people may be judging you. For me, the hardest thing to remember is that people are most likely much more focused on themselves than whatever you are doing. 

You do not need to have constant company to feel secure and fulfilled in college. In fact, I have found it is often the opposite. When you stop seeing solitude as a sign that something is wrong and start treating it as intentional time for yourself, it becomes less about loneliness and more about time to recharge. Learning to be comfortable alone is more than just a college survival skill; it is something you will carry with you for the rest of your life. 

Sincerely,

Sara